Abundance Bound podcast  /  episode seventeen: Partnership

MIATA:

Abundance is not about the amount of money you have. It’s about the quality of the relationship that you have with your money.

KRISTINE:

And no matter where you’re at right now, you can decide to become someone who is bound to abundance. Someone who is committed to having a healthier and more compassionate relationship with your money. And you can decide to become someone who is bound towards abundance, someone who is stepping into a more expansive financial future.

MIATA:

We are here to help you become abundance bound.

KRISTINE:

So who are you, Miata Edoga? 

MIATA:

I am someone who falls very firmly on the side of showers, not baths – and I’m the founder of the Abundance Bound Financial Education Company. And who are you Kristine Oller? 

KRISTINE:

I am someone who failed one of her classes in high school – a genuine big fat F on my transcript…

MIATA:

My heart dropped a little bit! So, okay, we’ll get there. 

KRISTINE:

…and I am the developer and coach for the Creating Cashflow Program that lives inside of your Abundance Bound Financial Empowerment Program. Today, we are talking about partnership.

MIATA:

I was hoping that we could really look at how creating intentionally healthy partnerships can actually increase our abundance. When I looked at the word partnership, it gave a couple of definitions. First, it said: “an association of two or more people engaged together in the same activity.” And then the second one was: “a number of individuals with interests and investments in a business or enterprise, among whom expenses, profits and losses are shared.” I love that one because it’s super formal, and it makes us think that partnerships are just about business, with sales and money changing hands. But I think every relationship that you have is a type of partnership. We have romantic partners, career partners, business partners, friendships, social partners, family, we have financial partners – CPAs, or banks, maybe an investment advisor – we might have medical partners. And in all of those arenas, there’s the potential to have good partnerships and bad partnerships and all along that spectrum. I wanted to look at this because I talk a lot about the fact that there are many relationships that we have to have. And we – particularly at Abundance Bound – focus on the relationship with money. And we say if this is a relationship that we have to have, well, then we would all choose to have it be a good relationship. But that of course doesn’t magically happen. Making a relationship good requires real effort. So I believe that is the same principle that applies to all of the partnerships in our lives. We want to first start by actively recognizing what those partnerships are. And then we can begin to consciously work on making those partnerships great ones. Because why would we have partnerships in our lives that aren’t serving us? 

KRISTINE:

Oh, but we do. You know?

MIATA:

Yeah. 

KRISTINE:

It’s interesting, because you just said, you know: “…a good partnership and a bad partnership,” and I think some listeners would be like: “Well, I’m never going to be in a bad partnership, like, categorically.”Use words with a little more nuance: “healthy partnership versus unhealthy, advantageous partnership versus destructive partnerships.” And partnerships can change, they can start great and things happen (in one of the person’s life) or the chemistry between the two people changes – so it’s not static and takes commitment on both sides to keep it healthy and advantageous for everyone. But I think that partnership is absolutely essential if you want abundance, because being “abundance bound” means you have committed yourself to stretching and evolving into this higher level of relating to your life. You can have the desire to stretch yourself but it is a really hard thing to just sit down by yourself and stretch yourself… because stretching is uncomfortable. And it really is the other people that help you stretch,

encourage you to stretch, point out when you’re resisting stretching. It’s that other set of hopefully kind, wise eyes on you. Yeah, so I think partnership and abundance are intertwined. 

MIATA:

I completely agree that the biggest work of our life journey is the constant stretching. And we talk about the Pain Cycle versus the Power Cycle. Partners help us move from the Pain Cycle to the Power Cycle. I am in the Pain Cycle when I’m allowing my emotions to lead me. When I look at the times in my life when I am really struggling not to be led by my emotions, it is generally someone else – one of my partners – who allows me to see that that’s what’s happening. One of my partners who can lovingly, gently – sometimes more firmly – hold the mirror up and just help me gain clarity about the storm that I feel like I’m in. 

KRISTINE:

And a distinction between a partner and a guide (or guidance)… because sometimes we think: “Well, you know, I’ll just read a book, I’ll just take a course.” Guidance is great. Guidance can help you through things and turn light bulbs on and give you aha moments and, without a doubt, help you move forward. That’s one type of help. Partnership is different in the way that it involves more intimacy. I don’t mean that: “Oh, this other person knows everything about you. And they have to know it on a granular detail.” No. But the dynamic of the partnership works in a positive way because the person (or persons) knows some specifics about your situation. So they are addressing you and your circumstances. People who actually are following the arc of your journey, they can, as you said, hold the mirror up – fully understanding where you’re coming from and what might be the ways in which you actually need to be stretched. And that trust is there because it’s a real partnership. They can also be really, really honest. Where a teacher in a course, or a leader of a mastermind group, may not know you well enough to know what you need to hear and how you exactly need to hear it. And so having partnerships in your life gives you entree to a whole different texture of help. 

MIATA:

You’re illuminating another really powerful part of partnership… the ways in which it can really help us move from theory into practice, from inspiration into action. 

KRISTINE:

On our last podcast episode, Liza shared how she has this group of girlfriends and they talk about the money and the income and the goals and their real estate development. And it’s not like they have a formal club that then this is where they have their meetings and talk about it, but it’s just a common thread through the conversations that they have… where they’re all on the same page and they all know what each other is up to. And I’m sure they ask about it: “How’s that going? What’s going on?” So there’s also no hiding because your partners want to know! You go into your doctor, they have the specifics about you, they have your medical history. And it doesn’t work if you’re hiding things. So partnerships are about a level of transparency and a level of trust where you’re willing to be real in exchange for the kind of feedback you can get from someone who sees you and someone for whom you’re allowing yourself to be seen.

MIATA:

Both of those, right? Someone who sees you and someone with whom you are allowing yourself to be seen. I loved that episode with Lisa. I literally got excited the way that she spoke about this group of women that partnership.

KRISTINE:

If you’re sitting there going: “Well, but I don’t know who to partner with,” or “I don’t have a group of girlfriends yet,” that is where it is so valuable to join communities like the Financial Empowerment Program, because you’re exposing yourself to a group of people who share the same values – in this case around financial abundance – and their commitment to stretching themselves in this area. So odds are, within this larger pool of people, you will be able to reach out and find one or two people that you do click with. So if you’re feeling bereft of people to choose from, then I think that’s an indication where it might be really smart to find a group or two. And there are so many different types of communities – free and paid – in any kind of subject you can possibly imagine. But forcing yourself – if you’re an introvert, like me – to join and participate and extend yourself to people who start to sound interesting, and just be like: “Hey, you want to try this for a while? Let’s see how it goes.” But it takes that proactivity, nine times out of ten, to draw partnerships into your life. And then that one lucky time someone will just fall from heaven. And then you’re like: “Yay!”

MIATA:

Yeah. So critical, what you just said. I think we have a tendency sometimes to want the people who are closest to us and the people we’re closest to, we want and believe that we can be all things to all of them. Just because someone is your amazing friend doesn’t mean that they belong on your financial team. You may love your spouse to pieces, they can be the absolute perfect life partner, but they may absolutely be the wrong person to be your business partner. The strengths that they bring to one piece of your life may not be the strength needed in another. And having expectations that someone should be filling all of these roles for you can actually start to damage a partnership that is working. I’d love to talk for a minute about the challenges that come up – why we don’t seek out partnership in this active way that you’re pointing us towards. I think we don’t necessarily want to be vulnerable. Great partnerships require that trust, they require the vulnerability. We have to be willing to expose our flaws, those areas that we want to stretch and grow. So I think sometimes we don’t take on partnerships because we’re afraid of that exposure. I also think that we fall into the Lone Ranger trap: “I’m strong and capable. I have what I need.” I think it can be hard to admit that we have some of that going on. But another piece – and I think this piece can be really difficult to look at – is when we want partnership in certain areas of our lives, and even though we feel like we’re trying, we’re not successfully creating meaningful, powerful partnerships. Sometimes what may be true at this moment is that the partner we want is not the partner we’re ready for. We’re all on a journey. We’re all at different stages. And that can create a bit of a catch-22 because right now, you may not have the career capital or the depth of insight or the combination of skills and abilities that make you easily attractive to the type of partners that you’re hoping to bring into your life. But that is not where we give up. When I consider my strongest and most lasting partnerships, they were formed when we were at a similar starting point. And it’s okay to be a beginner, because the incredible opportunity that exists is the ability to learn and grow together while simultaneously growing in your ability to attract – I’m putting this in quotes – “higher level partners” that initially you might not be ready for.

KRISTINE:

That’s a very important thing for people to hear. In the podcast episode I did with Dominique, we talked about the fact that she had a financial accountability partner and she was like: “Oh, my God, I can’t believe I got her to be my partner in this!” And I pointed out that what that partner wanted – that Dominique was able to give – even though they were at slightly different levels in the industry. Dominique was committed, she was showing up, she was scheduling their meetings, she was there, she was on it, and her partner wanted someone with that fervor of commitment. And that was easy for Dominique to provide. So I would say for a partnership to really work, there has to be a chemistry of: “We’re meeting at the same point in our life, where we’re both seeking expansion, seeking up level moments, and we need and want to have someone to follow the arc of this journey – so you can keep me on track and not get derailed.” And by the way, make it more fun and less lonely. 

MIATA:

Yes. 

KRISTINE:

I also think one of the reasons people are hesitant to try out a partnership is just the fear of like: “Oh my gosh, what if they say no and reject me?” But even worse than that: “Oh, what if we get into this, and it’s like, ‘this isn’t working’.” But also in that episode with Dominique, she walks you through how she dissolved a partnership that wasn’t working for her.

MIATA:

I loved that – that was very powerful.

KRISTINE:

And here’s the thing, not every relationship, partnership, venture that you go into is going to work. Especially if you’re in business and creating income in any way, you’re going to have to have tough conversations where you say to someone: “You know, this isn’t actually working.” And a tough conversation doesn’t mean it’s an unkind conversation… but it feels super uncomfortable. But there is no way for someone to have sustained success until they get willing and able to sit through moments and periods of discomfort. Discomfort has never killed anybody. So it is worth risking an uncomfortable conversation with someone to see if this person can be a very wonderful, valuable partner in your life. The stakes aren’t really that high. If you don’t have the chemistry, you don’t have the chemistry – and it’s best for you both to separate, to go find it better partners. What’s great about that muscle –understanding that you can extricate yourself from any situation, that you can get out of anything you get yourself into – is that is what gives you the courage to try more things and find your partner knowing that if it doesn’t work, you will be able to get out of it. That’s what gives you the courage to try to get into it.

MIATA:

Yes. One of my longest partnerships is with someone who is now a dear dear friend, but many, many years ago, she was my employer. I will never forget my interview because I was very uncertain about taking this job and whether this was going to be the right thing. And I will never forget she said: “You know, so, I think we give it a try. And if you’re not happy, if it doesn’t work, no harm.” And I remember just feeling like: “Oh, okay, I can take this scary step forward without total certainty…” because she reminded me that I had permission – the same way, obviously, she was giving herself permission – to, if this doesn’t work, then we go another way. I think the reason I’ve never forgotten that conversation is because over the now more than twenty years of our relationship – of course, there have been some very rocky times, as well as some amazing times – but, because of the foundation that was laid, I’ve always trusted that we’ll do what’s best for ourselves, and, by extension, for each other. And so I think that’s a real gift that you can bring to this journey. Deciding that you’re open to partnerships, you’re looking for them, and that you won’t be someone bringing enormous pressure to them. Because the more that we show up in that way, the more it clears the road and creates possibility. There is an Amy Poehler quote that I love. She says: “Find a group of people who challenge and inspire you, spend a lot of time with them, and it will change your life.” It just says it’s so perfectly to me.

KRISTINE:

Partnership – that’s all well and good, but now what you’ve been waiting for: I failed trigonometry, in my junior year of high school. And it was the best thing that ever happened to me. The reason I failed is because I was put into, like, the “gifted program” and advanced a year in both English and math. Yes, I should have been advanced a year in English. No, no, I should not have been advanced a year in math. So by the time we’re getting to geometry, I’m just like: “I really I don’t know what we’re talking about 

anymore here.” So by the time I hit trigonometry, I was lost. But the reason this was one of the best things ever happened to me is because I thought, at that time in my life, the worst thing would be to get an F – to fail a class, to have an F on your permanent transcript. What would people think? That would ruin my future. What does that say about me? And what I learned is that the world didn’t open up under my feet and swallow me. Most people didn’t even know it happened. And I got into a great college – that was the college meant for me, I had a great college experience, met my husband in college. It didn’t alter my life. And I’m so thankful that I realized at such an early point in my development that this story I had around “this would be the worst thing, soul crushing, life destroying thing,” wasn’t. And what that started to make me do is question my stories and beliefs about other things. I totally thought that was true. And it was proven to be not true. So what else do I think is true that might not be true? It really loosened up the rigidity that I had been holding as a straight A student in my life, and it softened my judgment around people: “Oh my god, you’re, like, a loser if you get an F.” I had to question aspects of my identity because I was now wearing the scarlet letter. It blew my mind and made me start to rethink the beliefs I was starting to put in place about “how life worked.” 

MIATA:

That lesson, that gift that you were given – and that didn’t fall in your lap… you were able to see it, you were able to process this experience for yourself – took me a lot, a lot of years (a lot of years!) to understand that “failure only really exists if it ends you.” The other thing is I’m like: “What even is trigonometry?”

KRISTINE:

I still don’t know. All right, well, we’ll reconvene next month. Thank you so much for this. 

MIATA:

Oh, thank you.

This podcast is our invitation to you an invitation to accelerate your progress towards a more expansive future by joining us in the Abundance Bound Financial Empowerment Program. It’s an invitation to develop a healthier relationship with your money, one that is less conflicted, less neglectful, less desperate. Our program offers a warm, friendly environment where you’ll have the space and time to work at your own speed and get the hands on support you need. You’ll receive step by step guidance that will help you strengthen your money mindset. Practice consistent money management and create additional streams of income to fund the life you want to live. Your next step is to learn more. So take a moment today and visit: AbundanceBound.com/financial-empowerment.

KRISTINE:

All of the show notes for this episode are available at AbundanceBound.com/the-podcast. We are delighted you are listening. Please keep taking very good care of your very talented self.

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